Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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