Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
