My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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