Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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