no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
