Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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