It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
