i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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