I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
