dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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