its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
