So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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