This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize