five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
