Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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