Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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