we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
