At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
