Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
