Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
