It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
