Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
