Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
