In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are the jesus of drinking
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
