in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
