Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
