It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
