i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
