"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
