i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
