Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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