Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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