I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
