you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
