btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
