3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
