Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
