Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
