Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
