i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dear god my vagina.
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