I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
