He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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