guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
