im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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