just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sex in a hospital.. check
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
