Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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