this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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