Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
