I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My cat gives me a boner
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
