So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
