this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
