Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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