Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
