I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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