Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
