There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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