Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
