He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
