I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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