I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
