Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
