AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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