if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
