i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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