Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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