she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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