I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
