i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
