My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
