i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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