some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
