youre lurking in front of me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
