No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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