I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
