I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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