We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
