he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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