i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It all started with a game of naked twister.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
