his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
