Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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