I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
